It’s just not happening, because I’m procrastinating every day. Fear is driving my procrastination and dear god, I’ve even spent this morning rearranging the veranda to make it ‘writer friendly’, because of course I can’t possibly write if the spider plants are misaligned, can I? And I’ve cleaned my crystals. That is a clear sign of avoidance if ever there was one, yet also not a bad idea – they are there to ward off negative vibes from buggery horrible neighbours, and while the jury is out on their effectiveness, I do know that grubby ones definitely won’t do the job. But I digress.
So. I’ve moved a lot of furniture, watered all the dying pot plants, removed the solar fairy lights which long ago ceased to function, and cut a sunflower for my desk aka outdoor dining table. My children are occupied fighting about something inside and I possibly have twenty minutes before it comes to blows that I have to step between. Here I am at last. Ready to write….what?
Prompts appear to be the best way to go about kick-starting my writing habit. Once I’m in, I’m good. I am loving writing this!! I love making words out of the voice(s) in my head! However, it’s as if I need someone to wind me up and let me go before I can get a foothold in a post. I’m going with The Daily Post prompts, because, well why not start with a WordPress challenge seeing as I’m here; plus as a new blogger it’s a starting point for connecting with this community.
The latest Daily Post prompt is March 9th, Wonder. It’s March 10th here in Australia but that is neither here nor there for my purposes, so I’ll go with March 9th and my gut feeling on ‘wonder’ for today.
I wonder how much longer I will be able to write today before duty calls.
I wonder if I should start writing my novel immediately.
I wonder if I can write at all or whether I am just plain delusional.
I wonder if too much of this navel-gazing is boring beyond measure to most readers.
I wonder if it will be too hot to run 10k when my husband gets home at lunchtime.
I wonder if I can make a PB in my half marathon in July. Certainly I intend to.
I wonder if it could be the case that were I to just shut up about being delusional and wracked with self doubt, and instead approach my writing as I do my running, things would progress a whole lot faster.
I am not a natural athlete and I am not a sprightly young thing any more. However, in my running I am nothing if not absolutely determined, utterly focused and totally disciplined. I will get up in the early morning dark and run by torchlight, scared witless the whole first few kilometres until the sun comes up. I will run in 85% humidity with temperatures in the early thirties Celsius. I’ll run today even if it is too bloody hot and humid or if it’s pissing subtropical rain, because that is what my half marathon training plan says I must do. Nobody is making me do this and nobody cares if I do this, except me. I am simply completely dedicated to achieving my goal and I also derive great satisfaction from the process itself. I wonder if I can apply my approach to running to my reinvention as a writer?
I am certainly not the first person to note the parallels between writing and running (hello Adharanand Finn and Haruki Murakami, and many more I don’t doubt), and with good reason. So, this is how I will proceed. I will train my writing self in the same way that I train my running self. I will write regularly, consistently and even when I don’t feel like it. I will read books about writing, I will study, research, attend classes and discover the most efficient and effective methods. I will ignore self doubt and enjoy the process, and even when it hurts I will keep going. I will be stubborn and relentless in the pursuit of my goal to reinvent myself as a writer.
And whatever the outcome, if I enjoy the process as much as I have enjoyed writing this post, I don’t need to wonder about whether or not it will be worth the journey 🙂